As a coach and people manager that cares, there are occasions when you’ll be impacted emotionally by people who move on for a variety of reasons. Managing personal and team emotions are part of the day to day experiences and interactions, which with conscious effort become manageable over time.
One of the most difficult times to manage emotionally is when you lose a key team member or someone in the company that you have built a strong personal and working relationship with.
It could be an empty feeling after they are gone, and an internal dialogue that causes you to wonder if you could have done something to make them stay. Wondering if there was something you could have done better as a manager is something that I find comes up during these moments of transition.
After going through this a number of times, and the most recent time being one of the hardest, it reminded me of the feeling you get on the last day of school.
The mixed feelings remind me of the last day of school because while it may be the end of one chapter, there are more chapters to come. Thinking about it this way, a few things came to mind that made dealing with the change more manageable.
1. This is not goodbye, it’s see you later
You may not be working on projects together, catching up by the water cooler or having weekly check ins anymore, but that doesn’t mean you are strangers. Make it a point to stay in touch with that person and continue to support them throughout their career journey. Whether that means an occasional catch up for coffee, suffering through a fitness class together, or just being a sounding board for that person to talk about their new career and other things happening in their lives, it doesn’t matter if it will keep you both connected.
2. This is what you worked so hard for, you should be proud of yourself
As a people manager and leader your job is to build and develop your people and help them achieve their career aspirations. Helping them grow into the next step of their career, whether it’s internal or external, is a sign of success. When you do your best work and train your team members to become high performers, eventually they will need your support less and less until they exceed your expectations in every aspect.
3. You will get to do it all over again
Ever have that feeling of wishing you can relive something and start all over again? Well here is your chance. Once you’ve gotten over one of your key people moving on, you’ll get to go back to that first day. You’ll find someone out there to fill the void both on a business level and hopefully, if the stars align, on a personal level. But regardless of what happens, you’ll go through the challenge, excitement, and success of leading another person into a career and way of thinking that they never thought would be possible before they met you. And that is a special part of someone’s life to be a part of.
The more I reflect on this cycle, the more I recognize that life is like a book and we all have the ability to write our own stories. How we react, who will we choose to be next, who will I find and how will I lead.